I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
