just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
