The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
