i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
