you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
