just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
