Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
