you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
