piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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