No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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