Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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