According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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