chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
40s are totally the cure
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
