I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
