he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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