Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
