areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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