Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
