omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
