My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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