I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
