While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
