It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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