Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU