I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD