he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
