i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
