Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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