Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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