I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
