I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
