I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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