My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
