i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
