As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
