Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
