My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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