I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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