I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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