I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
