hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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