I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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