We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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