He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
