so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
