Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
