I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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