Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
