Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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