how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
