after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
