My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
