between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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