hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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