oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
