I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
