Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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