My nipple is on Facebook.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
