Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this just has baby written all over it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
