she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize