Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
