I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dick very happy bro
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
