JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
