the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
