if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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