You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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