Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
