I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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