My nipple is on Facebook.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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