I wish my penis had an off switch
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its not stalking. its research.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
