Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
