Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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