why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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