is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
