Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
