and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
