How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
