Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like eating out sand paper
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
