1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
