so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
